It has been several months since my last posting. My excuse? Well, way back in January I woke up on my birthday. Jake rolled over and in sleepy slurs related a dream he had just had that he was caring around our baby daughter. At that I scurried out of bed and went and peed on a little stick that showed a tiny plus sign that carried more meaning than any other plus sign I’ve ever seen. What a wonderful birthday present! And the due date is very near Jake’s birthday. I love it when life falls together so poignantly.
So needless to say, I’ve been a bit too distracted to concentrate on writing, but am finally feeling back in the writing mood once more. Therefore, I would love to relate a little story about when I visited the Redwoods the first week of April. I’ve been dying to tell this story and the moment finally feels right.
I took a road trip down to visit the beloved Redwood forest of Jedediah Smith National Park with my very good friend Jayne and her two year old son, Matthew. On one of the days I decided to take a solo journey into the woods to connect with the trees more intimately. I pulled off the road at a spot that called to me and began to explore a bit. I was feeling drawn to journey down into a steep ravine. The going was steep and a bit precarious. There were a tremendous amount of enormous fallen chunks of rotting ruddy wood to scramble over and under. Finally, I reached the bottom of the ravine and found a little spring that weaved above and below the narrow floor of the ravine. Once at the bottom I sat down to take it all in. I meditated for awhile and tried to imprint the mysterious spot in my memory as best as I could. Finally, I arose and traversed the steep hillside back to the car.
I drove on to the next spot that called out to me. I began meandering through the trees until I found one that seemed to call out to me. It even seemed to have a friendly face shadowed into its bark. I made my through the towering ferns that were almost as tall as me. When I reached the tree I leaned into it, hugging it while resting my forehead against its mossy trunk. I immediately felt a warm and loving presence embrace me back. I heard the tree say something to the effect of, “Don’t worry, everything is going exactly as it should. All is well.”
My immediate thought was: that’s good to hear, but I wasn’t really worried.
Then I heard the tree say, “Anytime you have any questions, or just need to feel rejuvenated, you can always go inward into your own inner ravine and find your own inner spring, and drink from it.
My next thought was: Hmm, I’ve definitely heard that before, but the truth is that no matter how many times I try to replenish my self from my “inner spring” I still feel like most of my life is often fairly stuck in the dull drums. I get fed up with the routine of working life and I find that life is not as vivid as I feel it should be. (These are fairly guilty thoughts as I know that I live a very blessed existence.)
Then I felt the tree challenge me saying, “Well, why don’t you try it right now?”
So I sat down with my back against the tree trunk and closed my eyes. I began imagining going deep inside my self to find the so called spring, but doubts kept blocking the way. My thoughts told me things like: Oh, the tree isn’t really talking to you, you’re just making this all up to make yourself feel good. My negative thoughts went on and on. But then suddenly I heard a voice break through the barrage of doubts. It said, “Remember today when you were climbing down into that ravine and there were lots of obstacles blocking your way? Traversing your own inner ravine is filled with obstacles as well. These thoughts you are having are your obstacles. Just keep going and find your way around them.
Wow! Now that felt like a revelation. So I kept going and after a bit of time passed I felt something shift. I felt light and tingly. I opened my eyes and the world surged in with colors more vivid than before. I felt something drop away and I realized that I had been “worried” or overly concerned about things happening the way they are supposed to and things falling into place, even though I didn’t realize that I was carrying those concerns. But once they dropped away, there was nothing blocking me from the pure experience of the present. I thanked the tree with all my being and felt myself dissolve into the ecstatic flow of the forest. The wind swirled down from above and a rogue hail shower let loose a musical crescendo.
And life has never been quite the same since. May you all drink well from your inner spring often!
I have more experiences to tell of, including the incredible culmination of the Chrysalis Sisters, but I think this is enough for tonight. Sweet dreams.
